Mallory Needs Presents

Our dear Mallory is on her way to being chronologically challenged! And since nothing says HAPPY FLAPJACKIN BIRFDAY, MAL like PacMan, Pool, Bud(light), CASH ONLY and LIVE MUSIC--come see one Kane (Mallory) get OLD while the other Kane (Doc) tears it up on the drums with the hip-happenin' Joe Johnston Blues Band at the WORLD FAMOUS Avignon's.

There will be singing, dancing and horrendous public displays of affection.

So mark this situation in your Filofax for SATURDAY MARCH 6th at 8:00 pm. And don't worry, there are banks and shit across the street when you forget to show up with cash for your juice.

So bring your B-game, brush your teeth and wear your best hat cuz there will be a contest! No prizes of course but DO IT ANYWAYS. Please email someone if you have a question, but do us a favor and make it a good one.

Thanks,Your Mom

"I shop, therefore I am." - Mallory Keaton

"You make everyday feel like kindergarten." - Mallory Knox

My Crackberry Is still drinking on the Lowa East Side

Hey Everyone! I lost my crackberry while in NYC. If you would do me the most humoungous favor and either TEXT me or PIN me that would be amazeballs.

If I never hear from you I'm gonna take it as a sign of hostility and whatever, I didn't want to call you anyways.

so here's my info, plz shoot me a text or pin cuz I have a new crackberry that Asurion Insurance so generously sent to me for less than a quarter of the retail value. 

SO CELEBRATE BY TEXTING: ### ### #### 
OR PINNING: #######

OR BOTH.

LOVE YOU LIKE MORE THAN A SIBLING, THANKS ! KANE.

Mike is NOT singing the blues even though he's gonna be Old Balls!

So you may know him as that guy from WHEEL OF FORTUNE, but we know him as that gin-loving karaokeaholic who is it turning 30 against his will.YES, Mike/Michael/Van Waes/VDubs/MJVW/Cracker is turning the BIG TREINTA at LITTLE BAR Monday night! What better way to celebrate than by coming to help him sing (if that's what you call it) his twenties away with some radical jams.

Little Bar, inspired by an East Coast pub in New Haven Connecticut is the most appropriate venue as Van Waes was CONCEIVED IN an East Coast pub, IN New Haven Connecticut! What a coinkydink!

So bring your best lookin selves and some CHA CHING to get the party started. Be sure to select LADY GAGA when possible and if not, anything by Rob Thomas will do cuz if you know Van Waes...you know dis is...DA TRUF!

Now get your saggy and sorry post-Valentine's Day ass to Little Bar and please let it not take a miracle for you to show up on the mile. You can come brighten your spirits with a kiss from Van Waes and a little "I Want to Know What Love Is."

And just remember: Only YOU and FOREIGNER can help Van Waes make this the most excellent womb exodus ever!